Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Athena, Kristin, and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

I have worked my way up over the years in a field not known for good wages, but I am paid very well, relatively speaking. After a recent lay-off, I quickly got a similar job that matched my previous salary, but which required me to move to another state. I had no interest in moving, but jobs in my somewhat obscure field are rare. My family cannot come with me, so we are living apart (with both traveling to see the other regularly). Even after just a few months, it is clear that living apart just isn’t working.

I keep looking for openings back home, but the best positions I might be eligible for literally pay less than half of what I make now. As much as I want to return home to my family, I am having trouble accepting that I will have to take such a drastic pay cut to make it that happen, even if I really like the work. Honestly, I don’t even know if anyone would hire me given that pay discrepancy. I’ll be miserable if I stay where I am, but am struggling to accept my current alternatives. I’ve saved well for retirement so I could afford to take the pay cut, but I recognize that my ego is in the way, as is the belief that walking away from a high-paying job just to be happier is stupid/selfish and will make it impossible for me to eventually get back to the senior level. Is there a better way to reframe and weigh my options that I’m not seeing?

—Only Bad Options

Dear Only Bad Options,

I have a number of friends, colleagues, and acquaintances who make the mistake of equating salary with self-worth. The higher the number, the higher their self-esteem rockets. But as you’ve learned, some things are more important than money. You traded your family and home life for a job and salary in your field of choice. And, you’re miserable. But then the worry that you can’t do what you love in the area where your family is located creeps in. Or, if you can, it’ll be at such a cut-rate price that you’ll cut off future career opportunities. Said opportunities would then probably take place elsewhere, and require you once again to trade home and family. It’s a puzzling circle of misery.

Break out of that loop. Instead, make time for an honest reprioritization of what’s going to make you happiest, knowing that serious compromises will have to be part of the mix. Write down everything you enjoy in your life: work, play, family, spouse/partner, kids, aging parents, friends, house of worship, side hustle (especially one you wish could be a full-time gig), etc. Now prioritize that list.

It’s not an easy ask. You might need professional help to get there because you’re facing an existential struggle between at least two driving forces. If work comes out on top, which it might, then see if you can find ways to make it better. Can you work remotely every other week? Can you work remotely during alternate months? Is there any way your immediate family can move with you for at least part of the year? But I’m betting that you’ll come to the conclusion that while career satisfaction is a nice-to-have, it pales in comparison with a rich family life. So, think about the parts of your job you like, and imagine how you could recreate those from home, either as a consultant or by creating content around the topic that can drive sales or additional revenue.

The hardest part is feeling that your life is spiraling out of control. But, it isn’t. You’re in charge of your reality. Organize your priorities to help you uncover a way to get most of what you want, even if you won’t get everything you want all of the time.

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Dear Pay Dirt,

When is owning your home less beneficial than renting? I currently live with and support my mother in an old manufactured home. Though we own the home outright and have no mortgage, we have to pay a monthly space rent that regularly increases. This space rent is generally less than what it would cost us to rent a home of equivalent size, though not by much. The value of manufactured homes increases much more slowly than stick-built homes, so we’re not seeing a lot of equity build while staying here. All costs considered, we could likely get somewhere between $200,000 to $250,000 if we sold this house, which won’t even get us something livable in our area unless it’s just another manufactured home that also requires space rent. I do expect my borrowing power to improve over the next few years. Does it make any sense to take on a slight increase in monthly expenses by moving into a rental, selling our house, and trying to grow the proceeds while we wait for a better buying opportunity?

—Homeowner But Still a Tenant

Dear Homeowner But Still a Tenant,

Let’s start with two of my basic truths: If you’re trying to build wealth, it never makes sense to sell an appreciating (albeit slowly) asset while you pay more in rent. And, when you rent, you’re paying someone else’s mortgage, insurance, taxes, and a little profit. So, how could this be a win for you?

Let me help you with the math (and I’m going to make a bunch of assumptions): Let’s assume you net $250,000 for your manufactured home. You put that into treasuries paying 5 percent today (and which will go down if interest rates drop), which would give you about $12,500 per year. After taxes, your net is really around $10,000 per year.

But you still have to live somewhere. According to Statista, the average monthly rent for a manufactured home lot was $679 in 2023, up from $633 in 2022. If you add the rent you’re paying on your manufactured home lot and your net from treasuries together, it comes to about $1,500 each month. Given that the average monthly rent in the U.S. is $1,518 per month, according to Apartments.com, you’re already behind the 8-ball.

Right now, your monthly housing nut is probably around $500, and that likely includes water, sewer, and a bigger space than you can rent for the same money. And, while I hear you on how slowly manufactured homes appreciate, interest rates will eventually come down and your buying power will increase. If you want to grow your nest egg so you can buy a different home, pay as little for housing as you can (which you’re doing right now), and save up your nickels.

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Dear Pay Dirt,

Amy is my only granddaughter. She is 10 and has had it rough these past two years with the divorce, the move, a new stepfamily, and a new half-brother (my grandson). My son and the mother of my grandson, “Gia,” are trying to “work it out” but in my eyes, Gia seriously resents Amy. She constantly has a frown on when Amy is around and my son’s attention isn’t on her and their baby. She is critical of Amy over the most bizarre trivial matters (Amy got up from the dinner table to go refresh her water or she didn’t immediately put away her toys and clothes).

At her mother’s, Amy is just swallowed up by her loud and boisterous stepsiblings. I am paying out of pocket for Amy to attend an art camp. I do the pick-up and drop-off even though it ends up being a four-hour daily trip for me. It is genuinely good for Amy. We have one on one time and she is really enjoying the camp. The problem is Gia. She resents that I am doing this for Amy but will not immediately drop everything to babysit my grandson when and where she wants it. She has complained about me spoiling Amy. Gia has been carrying a grudge for a while now. I advised my son to get a paternity test and talk to a lawyer after Gia told him she was pregnant.

They had only been dating a few months at that point. I have tried to make it up and welcome Gia, but she is thin-skinned and overly emotional. I am always putting my foot wrong it seems with her. I do love my grandson but right now, Amy needs me more. My son doesn’t listen to me and seems more concerned about making Gia happy than anything else. How do I continue to handle this?

—Grandma in Georgia

Dear Grandma in Georgia,

You’re right. Amy needs a hero grownup she can count on for emotional support, a few life lessons, hugs, and the occasional ice cream treat. Right now, that’s you. I can’t think of a better way to spend your time and treasure than ferrying her to, and paying for, art camp.

Gia is right, too: You are spoiling her. But, that’s your choice and your pleasure. You’re not a babysitting machine on call 24/7 for your assumed grandson. And, you’re not there to make Gia’s life easier. That’s your son’s job.

Your Mom instincts are leading you to protect Amy. Keep going. Help her develop her inner strength so she can find her way with distracted parents, boisterous step-siblings, and evil stepmoms. All of that will serve her well in life. At the same time, keep talking to your son. Don’t lob direct criticisms about Gia—and keep your focus on wanting to help Amy adjust. You need to be on good terms with him and his ex-wife to stay the course with Amy. It’s a tall load in retirement. It may also be the most important work you ever do.

Dear Pay Dirt,

I have a good, stable job that over the past decade or so has allowed me to save up a hefty down payment for a home, but monthly housing costs have now soared far beyond what I can afford.

My dad is my only relative in the area and owns a small house. In the past, we’ve discussed using my down payment fund to renovate his unfinished basement into a pseudo-apartment, but have always come to an impasse. In my case, I don’t want to sink my life savings into a house that I don’t have any claim to.  In his case, he doesn’t want to lose his independent ability to sell the house. Is there a solution here? That would guarantee I get my money back on a sale, but doesn’t require him to get my approval regarding buy/sell decisions? Or is this a pipe dream?

—Can I Make the Hole I’m In Cozy?

Dear Can I Make The Home I’m in Cozy,

I’m thinking you become your dad’s bank. Here’s how it would work: Your dad takes out a loan from you to finish the basement. He could either pay you back monthly, with interest, or you get to live in the basement (if you want to do that), in lieu of interest. When he sells the house (which he would own entirely), he’ll repay you.

Living in the newly-finished basement would allow you to build your savings faster since you’d be paying nothing for housing. If you choose to live elsewhere but get interest on your money, then you have to charge more than the decently high interest rate you can get right now, which is about 5 percent.

You’ll need a loan agreement to secure your interest in the property. If he fails to repay the loan, you’ll have the legal right to foreclose, which would be expensive financially and emotionally. Once you agree on terms, hire a real estate attorney to draft up the document. After you both sign, you’ll then need to file it with your local recorder of deeds.

One last point: You ask what you can do to “guarantee” you’ll get your money back when he sells. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees when it comes to investments, other than government bonds or FDIC-insured bank accounts up to $250,000. If your father’s house falls in value and is worth less than the amount of his mortgage plus your loan, it’s unlikely you’ll get repaid in full. Or, if he’s underinsured and the property is damaged or destroyed due to a catastrophic event like a fire, flood, tornado, earthquake, or something equally awful, you might not get all of your money back.

Talk through these issues and the numbers with your dad. If you’re going to loan money, you’ll need to know his credit score and income and he needs to understand how much you can get if you put your cash in a high interest-bearing savings account. If you can get through that conversation and come to a reasonable agreement, then this might be a great win-win all around. If he pushes back at all, or is squeamish about the numbers, you’re probably better off not mixing money and family.

—Ilyce

Classic Prudie

I’m a first-year teacher at an urban Title I middle school. As is common for many teachers in my position, I’m using my personal paycheck to cover the gaps that classroom funding doesn’t. After I realized at the beginning of the year that many of my students were having trouble concentrating, I started keeping a stash of healthy snacks near my desk. The students know they can come take a snack when they need one. The costs add up quickly, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make if it helps my kids focus. Not long after I started keeping the food in my room, I began noticing it disappearing dramatically between the time I left each afternoon and the time I clocked in the next morning.